Fragile! Handle with Caution...

I am reminded today of how fragile life is. 11 years ago many of us were mourning the tragic loss of Kasey Overton in a car accident. A year later the loss of my mother knocked my train of it's track for nearly a decade, I think I am just now starting to drive my own train again. As the years have gone by more and more friends lost and buried...I can remember how shocking death seemed when I was a child and teenager, now it only leaves me with a sad aching reminder of how limited our time is here on this Earth and the absolute need to make the most of it. Autumn always brings bittersweet memories to me. Perhaps it's watching the the leaves die and fly away, and the magical way the earth creates it's own little temporary grave for the season.

Leaves crunching under my feet, and the brisk breezes that whip around me this time of year always seem to give me the strange need to take stock of my life, where it is going? What am I doing to better it?  Many of my major life changing events occurred in Autumn. I didn't really realize how many until I started writing this. Engagement...pregnancies...nervous breakdown...divorce...  And here I am today once again preparing for a life changing event, moving. A decision that was hard, scary and exciting.

So as Mother Earth packs up her treasures and tucks them away till Spring, I am packing up my meager belongings (I like meager...Live Simply, Simply Live) to start over once again, with a thankful heart that I have been given another day to enjoy my life and love my loved ones. Hold your loved ones tightly, show your friends they are treasured, and pray for your enemies...life is far too fragile for any less. 

I could name them all, but it would take too long...the list of people on my heart today who I will never wrap my arms around again is long and tragic...

The Lesson...beware of Obsession!

I have been meaning to write about my FANFUCKINGTASTIC experience at the Blue October concert. It was amazing, fun, life changing, tear jerking, and an all around soulful experience. Only true music lovers with a passion for certain artists's own passions would understand what I mean by that. Blue October is not a band meant only to entertain. It's a continuing story of survival by a man, Justin Furstenfeld, who suffers many of the same mental struggles as I do. So many identify with his words, as they speak for us and give us a face, without shame, showing our weaknesses and our strengths. They are also a great example of being pro-active about your mental health. There are no hidden "excuses" when Justin needs inpatient treatment for manic OR depressive issues. No shows are canceled for "exhaustion" or "illness". If he had to get help...he's is not afraid to say it! For this I ADORE them...it is perhaps somewhat of an obsession. But I am allowed a few obsessions, I am crazy too after all.

The purpose of this post is to list the lessons I learned from the show Saturday Night. While my heart was ripped from my chest and cheers and tears filled the night...this list is NOT what you might think it is about. As my BFF Missy and I arrived there were quick lessons to be learned on how to conduct yourself while standing (for 5 hours) on the floor, close to the stage, basking in the light that is Blue October:

Jada Learned:

1. Arrive EARLY...
2. Ignore your age...yes the pretty little giggly teeny boppers make you feel like a rusty old truck, but the event probably holds far more meaning to you, so fuck em..
3. Take Drugs! A handful of Ibuprofen, a few Tylenol and smuggle a few more in your pocket for good measure. Your back, legs and feet will quickly REMIND you of your age far quicker than those teeny bobbers.
4. Get dehydrated. You are not going to risk loosing your spot to pee...so if you are already dehydrated when you go in, you're good to go. You can grab a Gatoraide on your way out the door. Suck it up!
5. Stand Your Ground! Which leads me to the next important list.

To those of you surrounding Jada and Missy:

1. Don't even try it kid! When the crowd starts to get thick and you skinny little girls try to get to the stage to get close to Justin, back off! In the words of Missy to one such little bitch: "It ain't happening so keep on movin!" We will not budge from our prime spot so you can giggle at his "hotness" We didn't buy these tickets at the box office, we bought them the day they went on sale! We mean business!
2. Don't heckle the Artists! After many polite attempts from others to sshh a drunken ass from heckling the opening act I had enough. My politeness only goes so far. "Would you SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" just loudly flew out of my mouth without a thought...met with cheers by other fed up fans. (Tourettes maybe?)
3. Do NOT grab Missy to move her!  This was the funniest moment of all...some chick grabbed Missy by the shoulder, arrogantly saying "Ya, I'm that girl" (you know the ones who will stop at nothing to get to the front) Missy promptly shoved her back and informed her "Not tonight you're not!"
4. We Love fellow obsessed fans! Even if you are a pretty little teenager. You can tell a true "Blue" fan. One who is moved to tears with you, connecting with the music and poetry. After getting to know one such young woman before the show, I helped shove her to the very front, at her very first show so Justin could reach her hand! The most touching part was that she ran to Missy and I for hugs of happiness, before she ran to her friends. A kindred spirit indeed. <3

 

 

While it took us 15 minutes of sitting in the car to feel our legs again...a night like that with my most kindred spirit and best friend are memories I will always treasure! All lessons aside, the greatest lesson of all was love. The concert was a gift from Missy for my birthday!! She bought them at the end of July just in time for my birthday in August. I love love love her!

Ulcers and Angels...The Soundtrack of Romantic Fatigue

If you enjoy the tunage of And We All Shine On  then perhaps you have heard song #19 by Frank Turner Romantic Fatigue....

Oh how I have been there! While a humorous song, it is a well known condition for a writer. A lover finds a collection of your writing...and there in your own hand are confessions of love and devotion. Smart writers don't date such poems...so when we are asked we can look you in the eye and smile "Of course darling, I wrote this about you just the other day" We are lying, we wrote it ages ago for someone who for a moment took our breath away and then choked the living shit out our desire to breath...or vice versa.

I am suffering from Romantic Fatigue, as Frank so cleverly puts it.

I sometimes fear I am no longer capable of love, or that the one that I would love is never to be found, has already slipped through my fingers or died a horrible death of some mysterious disease or is being held captive by the Columbian Mafia for writing derogatory poetry about cocaine...Yes, the more dramatic the excuse, the easier it is to reconcile myself to...

The song Bubble Toes by Jack Johnson (also on this playlist...#29) has always been a favorite of mine. If a man felt that much for me I think I could write poetry about him daily, eager and hungry for more and more words to express my love....

Alas...there are only stacks of old poems written about past loves, lovers, or would be lovers. My poetry website is full of such poems. Now, mind you, I am not a gushy writer...my affection for you might be compared to an ulcer on a bleeding heart or some other strangely endearing analogy...what can I say, I am just not a rainbows and roses kinda gal.

Maybe I am not meant to love again. Maybe I don't know how. Maybe I forfeited my chance. Or maybe someday Mr. Bubble Toes will sweep me off my feet. Heaven help him when he does. Long jaded and brutally honest...there will be no hesitation in responding, in the words of the great Frank Turner..."I didn't write this one for you..."

For now it seems these words  hold even truer from dear Frank:
Every life-long-love, and every best friend, slips away into the past.
Take my words with caution, I can't pretend that you're the first.
You won't be the last.



But secretly I hold to the hope that someday Mr. Bubble Toes can honestly say "She gives me presents, With her presence alone" (refer to song #17) And then I can finally celebrate song #3...

But again a brutally honest woman herself Ani speaks the truth "No one's gonna sympathize when we crash, you hit what you head for, you get what you ask..." 

 However song #24 would grant my heart and soul to the person who truly fit the description...however my playlist only seems to play a blip of the song, so now you sorry bastards will have to YouTube that, or are already fanfuckingtastically awesome and know every word to that song and understand what it means to want a Quiet Mind.

Until then I shall try not to song # 20, especially by means of song #1. I shall try to loose the #34 attitude, and if song #7 occurs, refer to song #11 and then remember #8 because even though #22 seems mostly impossible for me...ya'll are fuckin' AWESOME!! 

If you finished this entire post...you either have a lot of time on your hands or you may need professional help. It's certifiably insane....but I just felt like writing it. My apologies...thus refer to song #10!

UPDATE  August 29, 2013:  Mr. Bubble Toes and I are still together and madly in love. I have found my soul mate. Forever.

Jesus Wouldn't Like It...

Since my children were old enough to stare at the talking box their father and I have tried very hard to shelter them from excessive violence, disturbing images, even commercials...cause lets face it, the little fuckers behind all that advertising know our little angels will pester the ever living SHIT out of us until they get their Cookie Crisp.

Despite our best efforts, alas they are getting to an age where we simply try to keep them from killing each other, or at the least, bleeding on the carpet. (Yes, I jest...sorta) They truly are very loving to each other, however I have come to the conclusion becoming accustomed to violence is inevitable. Bubby has just come home from his PSR class (Weekly Catholic tutoring, required to belong to the church, even if you are just a child...more on that later, my son loves it so it's cool, whatever). Anyhoo...Bubby is telling Boo about the most exciting movie he watched at "religion" (our old fashioned slang for this weekly class)

"There was this little boy named David, and there was this big Giant named Goliath who was mean and killed everybody. The people were scared to fight him...the soldiers I mean...but David took a rock and put it in a sling shot and hit him in the head with it. It even STUCK in his head and blood was everywhere...it was so cool! And he was just little like us!"

Boo's response to this is "Mom am I big enough to kill somebody?"

Sigh...."I'm sure you are son, but I really hope you don't. ...... Jesus wouldn't like it."

Whatta ya gonna do??