As usual...it's been a while! I have been having a very rough time since my last post....but frankly writing about all that bullshit will just get my wheels spinning and adrenaline pumping and I will go round 3 with a massive panic attack....sooooo instead, I propose we talk of happiness! Yes, a strange topic considering recent health drama...but I am happy damn it!
Imagine with me for a moment...You are walking down a city sidewalk, holding a large glass ball, thin fragile glass, the kind that would shatter upon impact. What if that glass ball was "happiness"? Happiness in your hands. Would you protect it with all your might, dodging traffic and wind gusts? Would you tuck it under your coat when the rain pours? Would it sit gently at home on a pillow of the softest down? No before ya'll think I am completely insane...I am proposing an analogy here.
It seems that a lot of my life has been tossed upside down in some rough ways. Stability has been rough, money has been tight etc..etc...etc...But I no longer feel that looming tide that so often accompanies these rough patches. Instead I feel like I am weathering the storms. The positives in my life far outweigh any of the negative that keeps popping up. Sometimes it feels like I am being tested right and left. I had a serious panic attack yesterday. But everyone in my life, my everyday life, is supportive and understanding. Some plans needed to be canceled, some people were let down...but they all understood. I took the time to do what I needed to do to recoup and regroup so I could be out of the hole before the boys and I went out of town with friends. And having the freedom to do that is an indescribable burden lifted from my shoulders.
I refuse to be beaten down. I am happy, enjoying my time with the boys, making time with friends,being with the man I love, and feeling stable and steady. Not pressured to be anything but exactly who I am. Because everyone close to me in my life loves me just the way I am. Warts and all! LOL
The darkness always lingers but there is so much sunshine in my life right now the black is turning gray. The occasional fog settles in, or a swift storm, but the sun is always right there waiting to bust back through pushing it all away again. Maybe this is what it feels like to truly be happy.....I wish I could say the last time I remember feeling this way.
Imagine with me for a moment...You are walking down a city sidewalk, holding a large glass ball, thin fragile glass, the kind that would shatter upon impact. What if that glass ball was "happiness"? Happiness in your hands. Would you protect it with all your might, dodging traffic and wind gusts? Would you tuck it under your coat when the rain pours? Would it sit gently at home on a pillow of the softest down? No before ya'll think I am completely insane...I am proposing an analogy here.
It seems that a lot of my life has been tossed upside down in some rough ways. Stability has been rough, money has been tight etc..etc...etc...But I no longer feel that looming tide that so often accompanies these rough patches. Instead I feel like I am weathering the storms. The positives in my life far outweigh any of the negative that keeps popping up. Sometimes it feels like I am being tested right and left. I had a serious panic attack yesterday. But everyone in my life, my everyday life, is supportive and understanding. Some plans needed to be canceled, some people were let down...but they all understood. I took the time to do what I needed to do to recoup and regroup so I could be out of the hole before the boys and I went out of town with friends. And having the freedom to do that is an indescribable burden lifted from my shoulders.
I refuse to be beaten down. I am happy, enjoying my time with the boys, making time with friends,being with the man I love, and feeling stable and steady. Not pressured to be anything but exactly who I am. Because everyone close to me in my life loves me just the way I am. Warts and all! LOL
The darkness always lingers but there is so much sunshine in my life right now the black is turning gray. The occasional fog settles in, or a swift storm, but the sun is always right there waiting to bust back through pushing it all away again. Maybe this is what it feels like to truly be happy.....I wish I could say the last time I remember feeling this way.
3 comments:
Wish I could find my glass ball of happiness...or even just a single sun ray!...so dark and gloomy here, hate this storm!!!!
Send me some of your supportive people my way, I can't seemed to find my own any longer...
you are a true inspiration to all that have the honor to know you. Thank you for being strong enough to voice your feelings so that I can understand life more. Just know you are not alone in your struggles, you just have a great ability to put it on screen(paper)!!! Hugs to you, Jada! I am blessed to know you.
Tracy you are always my #1 fan! I love you!!
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